you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
