My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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