no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
