i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
