i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
