i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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