happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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