i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
And then he peed in my hair
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