I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM