WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.