You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?