You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.