how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
