Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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