East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
