lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
