Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
