You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
