I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
