You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
