i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
