oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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