Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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