Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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