i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
