He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
