My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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