Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
