And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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