How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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