dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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