My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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