i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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