As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
