what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
