I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize