Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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