tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
