Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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