You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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