dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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