God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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