after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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