having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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