the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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