And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
