garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
