btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
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I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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