im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
