Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
