Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.