Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
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I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
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If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.