i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls