So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.