you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
