Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
