I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
