Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
