When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
