This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
