just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
