Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
