while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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