I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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