I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
