it's too hot outside to masturbate.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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