The maid of honor just puked.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
