Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Randomize
